A television newscaster informs the audience that their popcorn has been urinated in. Next, a spokesman for the petroleum company Argon explains how the company is tapping alternative sources of producing oil, including siphoning the faces of America’s teenagers, absorbing the residue from the discarded combs of Italian people, and draining the runoff from fast food. The “A.M. Today” show features news, a conservative/liberal debate, an astrologist, a wild animal expert, and a rampaging gorilla. In a commercial, a man is reminded to zip his zipper by his car alarm. A movie trailer for Catholic High School Girls in Trouble chronicles adolescent sexual misadventures. A man enters a movie theater to watch See You Next Wednesday in Feel-A-Round. During the film, an usher gropes and abuses the man in sync with the action onscreen. In a commercial for Nytex P.M., a man has difficulty waking up in the morning after taking the medicine. On the program “High Adventure,” host Paul Burmaster interviews adventurer Claude Lemon. Next, actor-director Bill Bixby endorses Sanhedrin headache medicine and visits a clinic. A woman endures rude comments by members of her bridge club over lingering household odors. A couple listens to “Joy of Sex,” a how-to record, as they prepare to make love. Former National Football League player Big Jim Slade breaks through a wall to assist them. The feature attraction, A Fistful of Yen, begins with British intelligence agents recruiting Loo, a martial arts teacher, for an important mission. Loo infiltrates the mountain fortress of criminal mastermind Dr. Klahn, who is assembling a fighting force of extraordinary magnitude. After being discovered, Loo fights a large army, and with the help of Big Jim Slade, he defeats Klahn. Loo clicks his heels together three times and returns home to Kansas, where he awakens surrounded by familiar faces. In a commercial, a group of Hare Ramas, the shaved-head followers of an Eastern religious organization, celebrate “Willer” time by drinking beer at their local bar after a tough day of handing out leaflets. The newscaster announces that earthquakes have rocked Los Angeles, California, and promises film at eleven. Next, a family plays the board game “Scott Free,” in which players attempt to avoid prosecution for the assassination of John F. Kennedy. A movie trailer for That’s Armageddon features a governor dealing with the aftermath of a large disaster. Actor Henry Gibson appears in a public service announcement for the United Appeal for the Dead, an organization dedicated to helping the living deal with their deceased loved ones. A courtroom drama recreates a trial set in 1957, and includes the testimony of a dead witness. In a commercial for “Nesson Oil,” a little girl fries her cat. An African American woman and an Hasidic Jew form a crime-fighting duo in the movie trailer for Cleopatra Schwartz. An educational film touts the wonders of zinc oxide and the chaos that would ensue without it. The television program “Danger Seekers” profiles daredevil Rex Kramer. A newscaster and his crew lose their composure as a couple watching at home becomes increasingly amorous. The “Eleven O’Clock” news broadcaster announces he is not wearing pants.