Car salesman Joey O’Brien happens upon a funeral procession stopped outside a cemetery behind a broken-down hearse. Joey convinces the funeral director he can sell him a new hearse at Turgeon Luxury Auto Sales for only $500 over cost, then he gives the widow his business card and suggests her husband would have wanted her to have a new car. Joey loves to sell, because it is like “making a friend” and provides an emotional connection to people. Later, he and his mistress, Joy Munchack, stop making love when he appears on a Turgeon Auto television commercial. At the car lot, Little Jack “Jackie” Turgeon, the owner’s son, admits to Joey that he is crazy about secretary Donna Kosciuski, despite her jealous husband. He informs Joey that since the dealership is moving to a new location on Monday, each salesman will have to sell at least twelve cars over the weekend. When owner Big Jack Turgeon eats with his salesmen at a nearby Chinese restaurant, he reminds them, “Remember, twelve cars.” At an antique store, Joey tells Joy Munchack that he could never buy the things her wealthy husband, Harry, lavishes on her, but she insists she wants emotional support more than financial comfort. Joey convinces the antique dealer to reduce the price of a vase by $1,000. Later, he visits boyhood friend, gangster Tony Dipino, to see if he or his “associates” need new cars. Tony reminds Joey of his current debt of $20,000, and warns him not to “wait too long.” He also thanks Joey for getting his son, Frankie Dipino, a job washing cars at Turgeon Auto. When Joey asks his ex-wife, Tina O’Brien, to telephone her brother and tell him about the car sale, she reminds him that he owes child support for their daughter, Lisa. Joey goes home for lunch, and his mother nags him about getting back together with Tina and having a “regular family.” That evening, Lila, a fashion costumer who loves Joey, takes him to a nightclub. After a celebrity photographer calls Lila a nobody, they return to her studio apartment and Joey rebuilds Lila’s confidence. On Sunday, saleswoman Molly outpaces Joey and her other coworkers. Tina telephones, crying that their daughter, Lisa, has been out all night and has not yet come home, but Joey reminds her that he has to stay at Turgeon and sell his quota. When Larry Kosciuski arrives on his motorcycle and gets in an argument with his wife, Donna, about her infidelity, Little Jack Turgeon hides. Dozens of customers look at cars. Tina telephones again to say that Lisa is still not home. The hearse driver arrives for his promised deal, an elderly Russian couple is eager to buy a car, and Harry Munchack brings Joy into the showroom to buy her a new car, but Tina O’Brien insists that Joey pay attention to her, not his customers. Suddenly, Larry Kosciuski crashes into the showroom on his motorcycle, carrying an automatic rifle and a television remote, which he claims will blow up explosives taped to his gas tank. Taking everyone hostage, Larry demands to know who his wife has slept with. When Donna Kosciuski shouts that she slept with everybody, Larry wildly fires several bullets, grazing her head and knocking her unconscious. As customers and salesmen cower, Joey steps forward, admits he is Donna’s only lover, and asks Larry to let everyone else go. Donna regains consciousness and denies having sex with Joey, but changes her mind when she realizes he wants to save the others. Police arrive, and Joey convinces Larry to release the women, except Donna, as a gesture of good faith. Joy Munchack declares her love for Joey and refuses to leave, angering her husband, Harry. When New York Police Department (NYPD) Captain Mason sets up his post at the Chinese restaurant and telephones the showroom, Joey negotiates on Larry’s behalf. To protect Larry’s identity, Joey refers to him as “Chuck.” Helicopters hover overhead, and snipers take positions on nearby roofs. As several police move forward, Larry Kosciuski fires and hits an officer in the foot. He becomes agitated when he sees Little Jack Turgeon exchange looks with Donna, but again Joey deflects his suspicion. Larry explains that he has been out of work for a year, which is why Donna took the job at Turgeon Auto. Joey convinces him to let the male customers go, but Larry insists on keeping Harry because they share the humiliation of having unfaithful wives. Outside, Lila sneaks past police, runs into the showroom, and declares herself “Joey’s girl.” However, when he explains, for Larry’s sake, that he has been having sex with his wife, Lila knees Joey in the groin and runs out. Reporters surround her, and Lila touts herself as a fashion designer. Tina O’Brien arrives, as well as Tony Dipino and his henchmen. When Captain Mason lets Tina telephone the showroom, she tells Larry Kosciuski to let her husband go because he needs to find their missing daughter, and also because his mother is worried. Larry tells Joey to let his mother know he is okay, but when he telephones, she berates Larry for worrying her son. After Captain Mason refuses to further negotiate, Joey proposes a plan to Larry to gain sympathy. First, Larry releases everyone except Donna and Harry. Then, he tries to release his wife, Donna, but she clings to him, declaring her undying love, until he throws her out. Then, Joey makes a deal with Harry Munchack to pay for Larry’s lawyer, and when Harry agrees, Larry lets him go. Now, with no hostages but Joey, the plan requires Larry to surrender. When he objects, exclaiming, “That’s crazy,” Joey answers, “No, you’re crazy.” He explains that love has made Larry crazy, and any jury will understand. Furthermore, Joey promises to stay with him “every step of the way.” Larry finally agrees to walk out, but he will keep his rifle aimed at Joey, so that nobody will think him a wimp. As a compromise, he removes the bullets. Larry also says the explosives on the motorcycle are fake. As they walk out together, a policeman fires, hitting Larry, and Joey covers him with his body. As medics put Larry into an ambulance, Joey reminds him to stay “crazy,” and Harry reconfirms his financial assistance. Everyone treats Joey as a hero. Big Jack announces that all salesmen will remain with Turgeon Auto, and a grateful Tony Dipino wipes away Joey’s $20,000 debt. As Joey and Tina embrace, their daughter, Lisa, approaches in tears, and her overjoyed parents hug her. Tina agrees to have a dinner date with Joey to discuss getting back together. The happy salesman gets in his Cadillac and drives away.